Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
