I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
