I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
