508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
