I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Randomize
