Where did you get a picture of my penis
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
