he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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