Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
