I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
