when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
