i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
