On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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