If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
