wanna go halves on a baby?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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