you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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