i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
