Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I understand Curling. That high.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
