I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
