Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
