No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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