im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
