Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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