thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
