He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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