Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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