Im at strip club and am horny
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
