After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
