dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
