tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
