Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
