awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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