once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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