who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
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I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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