God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if only i could text you this smell
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
