dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
