Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
