i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
