I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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