Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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