Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
