Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
