i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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