They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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