Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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