i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
