So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
