So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It was confusing and full of hummus
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
