You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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