420 ftw
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
