apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
