Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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