what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
should my penis look like a turkey
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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