I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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