i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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