Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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