The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
