So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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