she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
