So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
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pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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