Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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