He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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