I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
