You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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