Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
