is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
