Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
