I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
