The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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