dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
