just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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