we have pet lesbian snakes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
