is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
