no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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