I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
