im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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